Forever Sorry
by hungry-elf
Summary: Sydney's raging and conflicting thoughts over her feeling's for Adrian. How can she, and Alchemist be feeling this way for a vampire?


**A/N Hi! This is just something I thought of a while back... I'm not sure what I am expecting from posting it here. Please Review to let me know what you think. I'm quite new to writing, so I would really appreciate any constructive criticism you might want to offer. **

"Movies are there", Adrian said pointing to the cabinet below the TV while taking a seat on the other side of the couch I was sitting on.

I walked over to the cabinet and found a whole lot of DVD's. I ran my finger along the spines before I stopped at one.

Chuckling softly, I looked over my shoulder to look at him only to find him already looking at me. He shifted on the couch, looking uncomfortable at having been caught staring.

"Pirates? Really?" I teased. Tease? I don't tease. Especially not vampires...

His face changed to produce a cheeky smirk, "Why not Sage? Sparrow is remarkably charming and witty... quite like myself."

I scoffed at this as I inserted the DVD into the player and sat back down on the couch next to Adrian. As the movie began, our chatter quickly died down. In the silence, my mind began racing.

I was here, on a weekend, in Adrian's apartment, for absolutely no apparent reason.

Why had I come here exactly? I know what Alchemy teaches. Vampires are unnatural creatures of the night! Why am I spending time here? I shouldn't be here! I shouldn't want to be here either. I don't want to be here right? Right?

Oh if only my superiors could see me now, I would most likely be sealed in a box and shipped off to a re-education centre. I'd be sharing a cell with Keith. Oh, that might possibly be worse than re-education. I'd be brainwashe. My mind would be tampered with to the point of no return. This is bad. Really, really bad.

Alchemists are trained to be subtle and calm near vampires, so that we can communicate with them when necessary. Not so relaxed to be able to lounge on a couch and watch movies with them!

My superiors would completely disapprove of this behaviour, worse than that. I'd be shamed. My father would be shamed. Oh... he'll hate me. He'll never speak to me again and then he'll send Zoe to become the next Alchemist in the family. Oh God, I cannot be doing this.

So why the hell am I here? I know my beliefs. I know them, I believe them! I do!

But again, it led to the question, 'what am I doing here?' What demon possessed me to leave Amberwood on a Saturday night to come to Adrian's apartment and watch movies. I'm supposed to be on a mission!

Even so, here I am sitting on a small sofa mere inches away from Adrian. A vampire. A moroi. I felt myself cringe at that though, what was that? Saddness? It was gone so quickly my mind rushed on to the next stream of thoughts.

A few months ago, Adrian professed his love for me. He had kissed me and it made me feel things never knew a person could actually feel. It felt as if everything around me had melted, even I had melted, there was only Adrian's lips pressed against mine. It was everything, it was fire. I felt myself lose myself in the memory of his perfect soft and warm lips.

'No Sydney. This is wrong! What you are doing is completely wrong!' I firmly said to myself.

I glanced over at Adrian who was immersed in the film, watching it with a small smile on his face. Oh! The movie! I had been so consumed by my troubling thoughts that I had completely forgotten that we were watching a film. I looked at the TV only to notice that more than half of the film had already gone by.

I peeked at Adrian again, and he turned his gaze towards me and directed a little smile at me. His eyes, oh his eyes. They were my undoing. They were the most perfect and beautiful things I had ever seen.

I quickly turned back to the TV and could see through my peripheral vision that he did the same. But my thoughts were on anything but the movie playing before my eyes.

I felt my head spinning rapidly. All I could think about were his dazzling green eyes. I felt my palms getting exceedingly sweaty and my heart was beating at an unreasonably fast pace. 'What is happening to me? Why am I reacting this way?'

_You like him. _The thought whispered at the back of my mind.

Wh- What? No? That's entirely incorre– I can't possibly _like_ him! That's insane! Right?

I felt reason and logic rush back to me and slap me in the face. Hard. I like him? _Like_ him? Oh my god.

This is ridiculous. I can't like him. That's impossible. Someone like me can't possibly like someone like him. It's not right, not to mention wrong and unnatural!

I thought back to how right it felt when he kissed me all those months ago. It had felt wonderful. I know, I should never, ever think of that again, especially not so positively. God Sydney! It was wrong! Stop it already!

By now, the movie had already ended and I was still sitting on my side of the sofa participating in a very active internal battle.

Adrian was looking at me with a concerned expression. "Sage? Are you ok? You look a little... shaken". He inched a bit closer to me. His thigh was almost touching mine. His hand was resting on his thigh while he gazed intently at me searching for some sign of unrest. I felt my breath become shallow.

I looked at his hand and thought briefly over how strange I must appear at the moment. Sitting still on the couch in determined silence. I began wondering over the softness of his hands, like his lips.

I don't know what came over me and if you asked me ten years from now, assuming I wasn't reeducated, I still wouldn't know. Without a second thought, I placed my hand over his and brought my other hand to rest on his cheek. My hand was on fire. I stared into his eyes, which had gone wide watching my movements.

We were so close. So very close. I could hear a niggling voice in the back of my mind reminding me that this was bad, wrong, unnatural. But the intense silence in the room felt louder than anything else at that moment.

I felt our legs press into each other as Adrian lifted his hand to rest it on mine that was still holding on to his cheek. My thumb was tracing over the contours of his face. He was so very beautiful. His gaze never left mine. I don't know how long we stayed in that position, just staring into each other's eyes, but it was perfect.

There was only myself and Adrian. He inched closer to me, slowly. Slower than I ever thought could be possible. I felt impatience surge through me as I moved my face to meet him halfway. As my lips met his, I felt fire race through my veins. I pulled my hand off his thigh and wrap it around his neck. He in turn, put one hand in my hair and the other holding my face to his.

The kiss was hungry and impatient. Lips and tongues dancing in the most passionate of dances. The taste of him was imprinting into my mind. The voice at the back of my mind was screaming by now, reminding me of how wrong this is. But I pushed past them, a part of me wanted this kiss more than the voice wanted me to stop. I pulled him closer and ran my hand roughly through his perfectly messy hair. He released a sigh against my lips before breaking the kiss and pressing his forehead against mine.

I was immediately rushed back into the reality of what I had just done. I stared into his beautiful emerald eyes as he stared straight back into mine. We still held each other in the same embrace, only inches away from each other.

I let go of him, moving back an inch and stared unseeingly at the blank TV screen. I knew he was still looking at me. I just couldn't look at him anymore. I closed my eyes tightly and released a breath that I didn't know I was even holding.

That was wrong.

_Right._

Completely and utterly WRONG.

_Completely and utterly RIGHT._

My teachings imply that I should run and scream at the mere sight of a vampire. With Adrian, I realised that all I want to do is spend more time with him.

I sat up right, still completely shocked at my behaviour. Adrian reached for one of my hands which I instantly jerked back. I looked up at him and saw hurt flash before his eyes.

I hated seeing him hurt, especially if I was the motivation behind it. I felt a whirlwind of emotions building up inside me. Confusion at my feelings for him. Anger that I allowed myself to act so irresponsibly. Disappointment, that I wasn't strong enough to stay away. Sadness, because Adrian was still looking at me with a pained expression.

I felt tears well up in my eyes and I covered my face with my hands.

"I'm so stupid. So, so stupid", I said through heaves of breath.

Adrian dropped to his knees in front of me and pulled my hands from my face. He began wiping and tracing at my tears with his thumbs.

"Sydney, you are anything but stupid", he murmured quietly. He still held my hands in his and I marvelled at how warm and safe he made me feel.

Moroi.

"I shouldn't have let this happen", I said quietly trying to gain my composure by taking deep breaths from my nose. I refused to look at him because I knew that I was hurting him. Instead, I looked down at our hands which were firmly clasped together in my lap.

I tightened my hold on his hands as I brought them up to my lips and kissed each of them lightly.

Yeah, it was wrong. But how much worse can it get? I let go of his hands and allowed my gaze to meet his. I gave him a small sad smile. He didn't return it. I stood up and headed for the door.

Yes, get out now before you make this worse, Sydney.

I looked back to him to find him still on his knees where I had left him. He was staring intently up at me as I neared the door. I looked into his emerald green eyes, those eyes I loved. I forced myself to leave his apartment and walk over to my car.

"I hope this mission ends soon". I said out loud as I reached Latte.

But as soon as that left my mouth, a voice in my mind whispered,

_No, I wish it would last forever._


End file.
